Toilet tanks, freezers, cereal boxes. All are places Matt Paxton has found hidden cash through the years.
The host of PBS’s popular series “Legacy List with Matt Paxton” has put this helpful (and surprising) information and much more in his first book, “Keep the Memories: Lose The Stuff: Declutter, Downsize and Move Forward with your Life,” published last month (Portfolio; $24).
One of the U.S.’s top cleaning, downsizing, decluttering and hoarding experts, Paxton specializes in “helping families find the upside of downsizing” according to a press release. Filled with advice on managing not only the stuff but the emotions that go along with it, the book is a helpful guide for those looking to live with less (or help a family member do so).
We caught up with Paxton recently to find out more about the book and his purging process behind it.
Q. You’ve been through this painful process yourself. Why is it so hard for people to let go?
A. It’s the emotions. We put a lot of our self-worth in our stuff. We attach WHO we are to WHAT we have. So when we let go of something, we aren’t throwing away an item, we are letting ago a part of our self, our self-worth. Sounds awful, but it’s true. When you add emotions and love to the mix, it gets even harder. What if I’m really into books and my dad dies. The guy that taught me to read, that I shared my love of books with. Now if I let go of the books, I’m letting go of my memories of a loved one, not just a book. It’s challenging, but the stuff holds a lot of our self-worth, our happiness and our possibilities. Believe it or not, it’s never about the stuff, we keep the items for potential or perceived value. We think the items bring us value or happiness, but the value it brings us is short term. I think it’s why you see so many people accumulate so much in their 20s, 30s, 40s and 50s and then spend their late 50s and 60s getting rid of it all. With maturity comes happiness in yourself and you don’t need stuff for that happiness. When we let go of the stuff, it’s scary because we are alone with no stuff. But people are finding more happiness with less.
Q. Material goods seem to be getting a bad rap, with everyone purging and feeling guilty about their possessions, but most of us are not minimalists or Marie Kondo. Is there a happy medium? How do you get there?
A. I love this question. You don’t have to get rid of everything and only wear black t-shirts to be happy. Minimalism is not for everyone, but the concept is. The basic concept is that you can enjoy more life with less stuff. I believe that to be true and I see it with my senior clients that downsize. They will tell you that they are now minimalist, but yet many of them have downsized from a 4,000-square-foot home to a 1,200 square foot apartment and are happier than ever. Minimalism is about finding true happiness (and yes, even joy) with less stuff. Many of us came out of the pandemic being overwhelmed by our stuff and finding out we want to work less and spend more time with family and friends. That’s the minimalist concept creeping in, but most of us are not minimalists. I’m seeing people get comfortable with less, I think the next big movement is simplicity. Just having a better life buying less and doing more. We live in America, we buy things, that’s what we do, but I think people are getting more comfortable with few higher quality items that help them enjoy life more with friends and family and less about having huge houses storing a bunch of stuff. Stuff isn’t bad when it makes your life better, but when the stuff IS your life, that’s when it’s time to consider less. I promise, you will be happier in a year with less. You don’t have to have nothing, but you can have a better life with 10 less things in your life (and yes, that includes people….)
Q. What are some good first steps people can take? How can they identify the things that are truly meaningful and let the rest go?
A. First steps are starting small (detailed below). The second step is to create a Legacy List. A Legacy List is the namesake of my show on Public Television, but it’s also a list of 4 or 5 items that are must have items that will tell your family story once you are gone. You want to choose your must have items before you start getting rid of things. These items are usually emotionally valuable, not necessarily financially valuable. One of my legacy list items is a cookbook my mom made from all my grandmother’s and great grandmother’s recipes. I now cook with my kids and step kids off these same recipes. It allows me to tell my family history to the next generation, but they also become conversation starters for all of my memories and create new memories for the kids. Telling the stories is how you identify the meaningful items. And as you tell more important stories up front, they become the foundation of your cleaning process. You’ll find once you have established a legacy list, it helps you to make quicker, better decisions on the items that don’t actually mean as much.
Q. Explain the ten-minute sweep and the maybe pile and why they are essential to your program.
A. The 10-minute sweep is a tool to get you started. It’s just about committing 10 minutes each day to cleaning/organizing. It’s not really about what you get done, but that you do get something done. I tell people to start small, pick a small area like a junk drawer, the junk mail on your dining room table, some place small and just get committed for two weeks to decluttering every night for 10 minutes. Once you get used to it, it becomes habit. The ‘maybe pile” KEEPS you decluttering. At the beginning of the process so many things are still up in the air and taking too long to make a decision on something will slow you down and make you want to quit. The key is to keep moving in the process, so I created the maybe pile. The standards are “keep, donate, sell, trash” and I added a new pile, “maybe.” Anything you are not sure about will slow you don’t, so put it in the maybe pile. Believe it or not, at the end of the week, the items that you weren’t sure about on Monday, you’ll be able to make a quicker easier decision on Friday because you have ALL the items you are unsure about it one place. I’ve seen people donate the entire maybe pile later in the week, but on the first day they wanted to keep it all. The book is filled with lots of tools to keep you moving and help you get started.
Q. Are you a collector? What makes the cut?
A. I talk about this a lot with hoarding. A collection is supposed to be shared and enjoyed. If the collection holds you back from living, it’s not a collection, it’s a hoard. I don’t collect much, except kids. I have 7 children, so my life is pretty full as is. For my family, we just don’t have the space or money really for many things that don’t intentionally serve our family. That being said, with 7 children, my life is completely full emotionally, physically and timing, so I really don’t have a need for stuff to fulfil me. That being said, I am human and I love my Air Jordan shoes. I have a small collection that fit in the space we have designated for my clothes. When I run out of space, I have to sell or trade a pair out to get a new pair. So my collection is small and manageable and self-sustaining.
Q. How can you help family members who have to downsize but can’t let go?
A. Sit with them, spend time with them. Listen to the stories and ask questions. It’s not about buying cleaning supplies and pushing through a room super-fast. It’s about being present, helpful and patient. Let the person take their time and go at their own pace. Listening is the BEST way to help a loved one clean. The physical part is easy once people start talking and sharing. Remember, it’s the people attached to the items that make it hard for us to let go, so the more we talk about the people, the less important the items become.
Q. Are you happier since you’ve downsized and moved? What have you noticed about your buying patterns? Do you bring less into the house?
A. I’m substantially happier since I downsized and moved. I was scared to death and almost didn’t move because I had such a hard time letting go of the stuff. A year later, I’m engaged, I have 7 children (4 step kids) and a full life. I have new friends, a great neighborhood and I’m more involved in my community than ever. Mainly because I’m not spending my time managing a huge yard or take care of a bunch of stuff. I’m biased, but I replaced my stuff with a family and I love it. Someone asked me what stuff I had a hard time letting go of when I was downsizing. I honestly don’t remember.
My buying patterns are less stuff, higher value. We spend more on experiences now and less on just junk. I have way less stuff to take care of and I love it. I also donate a lot more than I used to. I’ve emptied my home by giving things away, not by selling them. For me, I found that I spent too much time trying to get $1 more out of an item. My time is way more valuable than a few extra dollars. I also feel better about donating. It just makes me happy. I’ve also lost 20 pounds since I downsized and moved. I’m spending more time outside, walking, biking and having fun that doing yard work and being inside. The other BIGGEST part (I have more money because I don’t waste it on stuff I don’t need.
Q. How has the reaction to the book been?
A. The book has done really well. I think people like the mix of advice, client and personal stories. It’s been great to see people getting started and getting unstuck. I get a lot of messages and I think my favorite one is that people are sending me their legacy lists and telling me the stories from their families. I love it. Keep them coming. It’s pretty awesome to write a book that actually makes a difference.
What does the future hold for you now that the book is done?
I have a big line of plastic storage bins coming out at Walmart. Kidding, hahahahaha. My future is great. Raising my big family of 9, hopefully we will travel more as the pandemic opens up. I’ll continue to make my show, “Legacy List with Matt Paxton,” and speak nationally about keeping the memories and losing the stuff. I’m starting to work on a new podcast that will let people call in and ask questions on how to live a better life with less. Mainly, I just want to keep doing what I’ve been doing. I’m pretty lucky, I actually get to make a difference every day and then people pay me. Hug and a paycheck is pretty cool.
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