It’s that time again! It’s time for the latest edition of “Is the Internet OK?”
In this latest episode, we’re left on the cliffhanger of Fabien Frankel having to limit comments on his Instagram account because House of the Dragon fans have started verbally attacking him. But why? Did he do something unthinkable, like bad-mouth Dolly Parton or come out in favor of apartheid? Did he express interest in having an intimate dinner with Jeffrey Dahmer? Oh, wait, no – That was Ariana Grande.
No, in the case of Fabien Frankel, people are literally just mad because he’s doing his job. Diehard House of the Dragon fans are so angry at his HOTD character Criston Cole’s most recent actions that they’ve started attacking the actor himself. Leave this man alone! He did nothing more than read some lines in a monotone. He didn’t even write those lines! House of the Dragon is not a multi-million dollar improv workshop. In fact, things have gotten so out of control that some commentators have called Criston Cole the most hated man in Thrones history, which is even worse than everything else they’ve said so far. It’s just not true!
Here’s how Criston Cole actually stacks up to the Thrones universe’s other ne’er-do-wells:
7th worst: Walder Frey
If you need a refresher on this guy, just think back to Game of Thrones and the Riverrun scenes. He was the horny old man with several (maybe 500?) teenaged, miserable wives. Still not ringing a bell? OK, he was also at the Red Wedding, where he smiled gleefully and sipped wine as the Stark family was wiped out in front of his eyes. Yeah, we hated him. Punchability rating: 1 out of 5 punches.
6th worst: Smirkerys Targaryen
You know the one. His dragon ate Luke last season. I’d tell you his real name, but you’d forget it. Anyway, he deserves a spot on here because of that self-satisfied smirk that he’s always wearing. Even if he did kill Luke by accident, you get the sensation that he’s not too beat up about it. Punchability rating: 2 out of 5 punches.
5th worst: Viserys Targaryen
The only reason he’s not higher is because he never made it past Season 1. In addition to selling his sister, Daenerys, to a warlord and threatening to cut her unborn child from her stomach, he sexually harassed her and emotionally manipulated her on the reg. He was also an entitled brat and terrible guest, always complaining about the service around here. Punchability rating: 2.5 out of 5 punches.
4th worst (it’s a tie): Daemon Targaryen and Criston Cole
Yeah, I said it. Daemon Targaryen is just as bad as Criston. Criston may be the more petty one: After all, he wants Rhaenyra dead just because she wouldn’t go official with him. Also, he murdered a young man just because he knew that fact about him. And yet, Daemon is the only character on House of the Dragon who has murdered his wife, groomed a small child, neglected his family, strangled Rhaenyra, and fomented chaos in Westeros due to pure selfishness. I’d say he’s just as bad. Punchability rating: 3 for Aemond and 3 for Criston, for a combined punchability total of 6.
3rd worst: Littlefinger
Littlefinger, a.k.a. Petyr Baelish, didn’t get enough hate IMO. Yes, he was sassy and clever, but entertainment value shouldn’t be conflated with likeability. This was a man who groomed Sansa, pitted her against her sister, married her off to a sadistic murderer, betrayed Ned Stark, and murdered his fiancée. His sheer cunning instantly ranks him higher in punchability than Criston. Criston just isn’t smart enough to have pulled off the things Littlefinger accomplished. Punchability rating: 3.5 out of 5.
2nd worst: Joffrey Baratheon
How could Criston possibly be the worst person in the Thrones universe when someone like Joffrey Baratheon existed? Let’s just do a quick poll. Imagine that there are two Youtube videos, side by side. One depicts the excruciating death by poisoning of Joffrey; the other depicts the excruciating death by poisoning of Criston. Which one is making you Like and Subscribe? Punchability rating: 5 out of 5.
Worst worst: Ramsay Bolton
This guy was so evil that it was almost a joke! If you could think of any evil thing, this guy could multiply and intensify it. Skinning, assaulting, torturing, murdering … It was all in his wheelhouse, and he did it all with a demented grin. Ramsay Bolton could eat Criston Cole for breakfast. And then he’d spit him out again because his plot armor is so stale! So don’t be knocking round my door telling me that Criston Cole is the worst person in Game of Thrones history. That will always be Ramsay Bolton. Punchability rating: 500,000 out of 5.
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