Here are eight things emotionally intelligent people never do in relationships.
1. They don’t invalidate their partner.
Emotional intelligence is defined as “the ability to identify and manage one’s own emotions, as well as the emotions of others.” One way to both understand and tend to another’s feelings is through validation. Emotionally intelligent people understand the importance of validation when it another’s emotions and experiences. Validating someone else helps them feel heard, understood, and appreciated. Mutual validation is a cornerstone of any healthy relationship, romantic or otherwise.
2. They don’t keep score.
An emotionally intelligent person doesn’t keep track of their S.O.’s mistakes. They don’t tally up all the “nice” things they do for their partner to make sure that their partner is 100 percent reciprocating those kindnesses either. Instead, an emotionally intelligent partner throws away the scorecard. They know that there should be no sense of competition when it comes to matters of the heart.
3. They don’t demand perfection.
An emotionally intelligent person doesn’t demand perfection from their partner, themselves, or their relationship as a whole because they understand that bringing two humans together will never not have complications. Humans are all multi-faceted being with loud feelings, unique histories, and conflicting needs. Having emotional intelligence means accepting this fact and even embracing it.
4. They don’t lose themselves in the relationship.
The emotionally intelligent still invest in themselves and their own personal growth because they know the importance of having an identity outside of their partnership. They don’t want their partner to be their everything, nor do they want to be everything to their partner.
5. They don’t avoid accountability or apologizing.
Again, because an emotionally intelligent partner doesn’t expect perfection, they understand that they too are going to mess up. And when they apologize, they truly mean it and change any behaviors that need to be changed. An emotionally intelligent person is deeply aware that an apology without change is only manipulation.
6. They don’t engage in passive aggressive communication.
Emotionally intelligent people communicate openly, honestly, and directly. They initiate hard conversations when they need to be had instead of dropping subtle hints that they’re upset and hope their partner reads their mind and brings it up.
7. They don’t weaponize their partner’s insecurities.
In intimate relationships, one reveals a lot about themselves, including their insecurities. Someone with emotional intelligence would never use their partner’s deepest pains and fears against them. Instead, they are a safe place for their partner to share their innermost truths.
8. They don’t try to fix or change their person.
Finally, an emotionally intelligent person would never attempt to change of fix their partner. They understand this is not up to them, nor is it their role to play the role of savior. The emotionally intelligent person takes their partner as all that they are and loves them for that person. Not some potential version of them, not some future possibility. Them.
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A 15-year-long study showed that emotional intelligence (EQ) was one of the biggest predictors of relationship satisfaction as well as the relationship’s length.
While some people are born with more emotional intelligence than others, it is a skill that can be nurtured and improved. Working on your own emotional intelligence can help deepen and strengthen your relationships.
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