They copy you, stealing parts of your identity – yet devalue your accomplishments and personality due to envy.
Malicious envy is related to both narcissistic and psychopathic traits, according to research. Female narcissists will “copy” and mimic the women they’re most envious of. Simultaneously, they will also undermine and undercut you as a person. This can happen in various contexts in family circles, friendships and social circles, as well as the workplace. You may see a female narcissistic friend, co-worker, or narcissistic sibling copy your mannerisms, gestures, words, sense of style and eerily “morph” into you, as if they are stealing your identity to garner the same praise and attention you get. At the same time, they’ll covertly put you down and contemptuously belittle you to make you feel inferior even though they’re emulating you.
They attempt to humiliate or shame you on social media.
Female narcissists of every age group tend to engage in bullying behaviors on social media, especially if they also have psychopathic traits. For example, you might see a narcissistic female friend post an unflattering photo of you on social media even though there were many other options to make themselves look “superior” because they’re jealous of your beauty. They might start arguments with you or strangers online or try to “humble” and shame women when they see these women exuding confidence in themselves. Or, you might see them commenting on the social media posts of other attractive and successful women in cruel ways, stalking and harassing these women in an attempt to “punish” them for embodying these positive qualities. They want the women they are most jealous and envious of to hide whatever assets and traits (both external and internal) make them stand out. They want to dim your light.
They try to flirt with your partner or people who take an interest in you.
Partner poaching tends to be rampant among people with narcissistic and psychopathic traits, and female narcissists are no exception. They cannot stand not being the center of attention, so even if they have a doting and generous partner themselves, they’ll seek out the partners of their friends to try to “one-up” you, placing you in a silent competition you didn’t even know you were a part of. If they sense you have more suitors interested in you, they’ll try to monopolize the attention of these interested parties to get the spotlight off of you, and even try to demean you in front of the men who’ve expressed interest, in hopes of getting the spotlight off of you and onto themselves.
They try to sabotage your relationships and attempt to turn people against you, spreading rumors and gossip.
Research has linked relational aggression with callous-unemotional traits and narcissistic tendencies and behaviors. If you are in the presence of a friend who routinely spreads lies or gossip about you or other friends, be wary. They may be a narcissistic individual who is actively scapegoating you to retain “Queen Bee” status. Similarly, in the workplace, female narcissists may try to misrepresent you to managers or hypercriticize you if they are in leadership positions, slithering up the corporate ladder using their charismatic façade. This is especially likely if they view your talents and skill sets as a threat to their promotion or position. Female narcissistic siblings may turn other family members, or even your own friends, acquaintances and partners against you by spreading falsehoods.
They exclude or ostracize you.
Female narcissists want to make sure that you feel alienated from whatever group you’re mutually a part of – whether that’s a social circle, a professional or academic circle, or a family unit. They might even try to make you dependent on them alone as you become increasingly isolated to exert more power and control over you. If they sense that you will be popular with members of this group or feel threatened by your physical appearance, personality traits, or achievements, they will find a way to ensure you’re isolated from this group. They may deliberately exclude you from activities, events, and conversations if they are envious of you and want to keep the attention of others focused only on them.
They gather information on you, only to later use this information to betray and violate you.
Female narcissists as well as male narcissists are masters of information gathering. They carefully study the traits and behaviors of their partners, family members, and friends to see what makes them “tick” and what their strengths and weaknesses are so they can effectively exploit these people for their own gain. They interrogate them to find out their trauma history, their likes and dislikes, and the important people and events in their lives. Even though in the beginning they will pretend to confide in you, mirroring your insecurities and traumas to get you to trust them, they will later weaponize these same vulnerabilities against you to deflate you while piggybacking off your strengths and resources. They might frequently make comments about an insecurity they know you have, or talk down to you condescendingly, especially before important events such as interviews, exams, or career milestones. They might put down your physical appearance or sense of style, especially if they think you are more attractive than they are. They may start crazymaking arguments or contemptuous comments in areas they once praised you in or focus on a perceived shortcoming when you mention an accomplishment. They will fabricate and hyperfocus even on flaws that don’t actually exist to detract from your happiness and celebratory moments.
Dealing with any narcissist – whether male or female – can be draining and overwhelming. It’s important to seek professional support to heal from these toxic friendships and relationships if you feel you are struggling. You deserve to set healthy boundaries and you deserve to flourish away from toxic people.
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