“Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all.” So sang the late, great Whitney Houston in her 1986 hit, The Greatest Love of All. In 2022, that mantra captures the mood of the moment. Today, living your best life includes being true to who you are. Loving yourself regardless of how that fits in with society’s long-established norms.
For an increasing number of people, primarily women, the ultimate expression of self-love is to marry yourself!
The formal name for self-marriage is Sologamy. It isn’t legally binding like a conventional marriage, but there are no laws against it anywhere in the world.
Sologamy has reportedly been around since the early 1990s when an American woman, Linda Barker, married herself in front of seven bridesmaids and 75 guests. But to some, the “Godmother” of sologamy is the fictional character, Carrie Bradshaw. In a 2002 episode of the tv show, Sex in the City, she mused about marrying herself after lamenting that there are no special occasions that celebrate single people, aside from birthdays. Since the show aired, countless women, especially in the U.S., U.K, Australia, and Japan, have taken the solo plunge for real.
In 2017, Erika Anderson married herself in New York City to celebrate her independence and right to be single and happy. “I would describe it as women saying yes to themselves,” she told WUSA9, a TV station in Washington, D.C.
“It means that we are enough, even if we are not partnered with someone else.”
Like Anderson, Nneka Carter made a similar statement by marrying herself in Tampa, Florida, in front of 40 friends and family members. Her decision was prompted by her experiences during the pandemic.
“The pandemic reminded me that I just need me to be happy,” she told insider.com. “I didn’t want to feel alone or lonely because I didn’t have a companion, or I wasn’t in a relationship.”
“With increased time spent at home alone, individuals have opted for new methods to appreciate themselves and enhance self-compassion,” says psychologist, Ieva Kubiliute. “Conducting a sologamy ceremony can be the perfect way to enhance self-compassion and appreciate yourself in the best way possible.”
Some celebrities have also embraced self-partnering. Harry Potter actress, Emma Watson, Victoria’s Secret model, Adriana Lima, and Broadway singer, Fantasia Barrino, are among the glitterati who’ve publicly shared a commitment to themselves. All three subsequently started traditional relationships, but their declarations of independence are no less valid for that.
“It’s symbolic,” Adriana Lima told her Instagram followers in response to questions about the ring on her finger. “I am committed to myself and my own happiness. I am married with me,”
Self-marriage ceremonies come in many different forms, from traditional unions complete with customized vows, wedding dresses, flowers, and cake, to any number of wild and wacky themed events with or without wedding guests.
Many self-weddings are do-it-yourself affairs. For example, one company in San Francisco, IMarriedMe.com, offers a self-wedding kit, which includes a wedding ring, vows, and self-affirmation cards. But the wedding and hospitality industry has also begun to cater to the “Me, Myself, and I” clientele.
In Mexico, the Rosewood Mayakoba’s Sense Spa in Riviera Maya has offered a 4-day Marry Oneself Journey complete with your own private Shaman consultation. While in Japan, where the traditional marriage rate is declining, solo weddings are touted as a growing trend among women who crave the romance of a wedding but not the commitment of an actual marriage.
Currently, several Japanese travel agencies and photo studios offer single wedding packages that may include a dress, hair and make-up, flowers, a limo, and a photoshoot. Most of their clients are young women looking to have some fun while asserting their independence. Though some divorcees, along with married women whose big day was a let-down, also sign up for the wedding of their dreams.
At first glance, marrying yourself might seem somewhat conceited. However, proponents claim it’s a feel-good gesture of self-belief rather than narcissism, as Roberta Lyndall Fincham, who married herself at the age of 55, explains.
“I chose to do this in recognition of the culmination of my journey to loving and accepting myself, and recognition that I didn’t need to be in a romantic relationship with a significant other to be happy or find fulfillment,” she told insider.com. “If someone has achieved something so important as self-love and self-compassion, then it’s definitely worth celebrating. Why should couples have all the fun?”
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Humankind, USA Today
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